Sienna As Archer

Sienna as Archer, oil on panel, 48" x 36", 2014

Life and art are inseparable for artists.  Everything we do in our daily lives has the potential to become fodder for our work.  And the work in turn, feeds our life with rich appreciation for the simple acts and moments that could otherwise be overlooked.  Lately, I've noticed my children are growing like weeds right before my eyes.  I can feel their youth slipping towards responsibility and seriousness.  This has become particularly poignant for me with my daughter as she approaches her next birthday, which will place her firmly in the double digits club.  There is a risk in painting children, maybe especially for women artists; artists who are mothers.  So much of history has told us that this is a 'sentimental' act, and that that word itself is a dirty word which you wouldn't want associated with our serious work.  But there is a bounty to explore in that moment of a child's life which is fixed between the abundance of imaginative play of youth and the growing pressures of age; right before the storm of adulthood.  I am compelled to capture that mix of tides that I am living with, that I am responsible for raising well.   

 While my daughter posed for this painting over several sessions, I noticed a shift in her.  When I first asked her to hold the bow, she pulled the string and it was... almost right - but there was an apologetic tone to her stance.  Her feet were planted awkwardly near each other, her grip light and unsteady.  I was asking my pink loving, pacifist daughter to hold a weapon - and this was not natural for her.  It took much coaching, and honestly I think I had to make her mad at me, before she really took the pose with any believability.  I think by then she wished I had loaded the bow with more than a suction cup toy arrow, because now she was happy to aim directly at me.  The next time she took the pose, her elbow straightened a bit more, her wrist more naturally aligned with greater strength.  And then as the painting developed and she got to see herself as this strong and cunning girl, I noticed she began to stand taller too.  What I suddenly realized one day while standing infront of this life size painting of my daughter, is that this painting was helping me parent better.  I was showing my daughter how to be empowered.  How to embrace her inner strength and not be apologetic to share that with the world.  

Life and art are inseparable.    
    

 

And here is a picture and a related post of this same girl, just several years younger.

Guardian

 

Guardian, oil on panel, 64" x 48"

My painting Guardian is now dry enough to photograph.  As I stated in the previous post (which you can read here), this painting is a deeply personal image that has stuck with me for approximately three years.  I'm not ready to verbally explain all the symbols and meanings of this painting - hopefully there are some that you will be able to read in the painting on your own.  I will share that this has been one of the most rewarding painting experiences of my life.  This painting has developed and evolved and gushed out of the deepest parts of my being.  I feel so much gratitude for being able to experience this.     

 Guardian (details), oil on panel, 64" x 48" 

 

Haunt, Taunt, Flaunt

Have you ever had a painting haunt you? It hasn't happened too often for me, but this painting idea has been stuck in my head for over 3 years now appearing like a demanding apparition. In those three years it has changed almost as much as my young son. Now its time has come. Now I am ready to take it on...

I'm still working on a title (you think in three years something would have come to me by now - but this has been a particularly visual haunt). Here's the start:

Work in progress, oil on panel, 64" x 48"

 detail, oil on panel, 64" x 48"

First day into color (detail).

Artist and Mother

Lately, I have had extended conversations with several young aspiring women artists who are most interested in how I manage motherhood with my career. I suppose it’s a valid question, although in my own naiveté, it was not one I thought to consider when I was deciding to pursue a career as an artist. I’m not sure where to start on this one though as it is such a big topic with much potential for controversy. I do have fears of being pegged as one thing or another but, I feel this is an important enough topic to bring up, that my fears are less consequential than the potential benefit this post may have.

As a student, there were several professional women artists teaching at LCAD. Most (if not all?) of them had chosen, long before I became their student, to decidedly NOT have a family. I think this was, at least partially, due to the stigma of not being seen as a professional artist. Betty Shelton, Sharon Allicotti, and Darlene Campbell were all wonderful role models for me on how to become a strong, intelligent, sensitive, and successful woman in a career path that at the time, (and I’ll let other’s decide about the current scene) seemed dominated by male egos. Yet none of these working professional women were raising a family. I was too naïve to see this deficiency.

Now, I am the mother of two young children (5yrs and 3yrs) for whom I choose to stay home with, while maintaining my career as a painter. It is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. It sometimes feels that everything is happening at once. But, I’m not sure I wouldn’t feel the juggling act of life any less without children. It’s just that my concerns are different than they would be without a family. We all have busy lives, with too little time in the day. Right? I also believe that by continuing my painting career, I am a better parent, because I am showing my children how to be a whole, complete and happy adult.

I think it’s very important for me to point out here, that I am not the type of person who thinks everyone should have children. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. For me though, I knew it was right. I have always loved children. I very much enjoy seeing their worlds open wide with every minor discovery. I knew I would raise a family and I feel I’m doing a good job in that role. Being an artist has made parenting that much easier because we always have creative outlets to fall back on. What kid doesn’t like making a mess on the dining room table with paint, glue and of course glitter?

I’m not going to lie though. These last, especially, three years have been the hardest of my life. Our little family has had to deal with a series of unfortunate medical and financial issues that has both tested and strengthened us as family. Finding balance has been the key for our survival as a family, as parents and as artists. I am very fortunate to have my husband, who happens to also be an artist. He understands how profoundly important it is for us both to continue our chosen career paths. We often swap family roles so the other parent can get to the studio to work. I don’t think I could be as good an artist, mother or person if I didn’t have the overflowing love and support of my husband. Andrew Wyeth said, “One's art goes as far and as deep as one's love goes.” I think that ‘love’ Wyeth is talking about is as much the love the artist has for her subject and process as well as the love that’s put into the artist from those around her.

I really believe there is nothing in life that should limit your art, and your art shouldn’t limit your life. Meaning, if you WANT to have kids and a career you can. There will be times when there seems to be an imbalance, with one needing more time. But, with hard work, dedication and a clear heart open to both, your life will be full for having both. Your life experiences no matter your choice of family or not, will inform your work. For me, my children have really benefited my work, by giving me a clear vision, optimism and a reason to make this world a bit better.

I hope my words will be comforting to some young artists out there who struggle with the desire for both family and career. It is possible, with patience, balance, love and support. Please feel free to share your stories or comments on the subject.